my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
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im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
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I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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