??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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