i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
