Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
