She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
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Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
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Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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