i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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