hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
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I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
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And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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