Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
