Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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