Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
her vagine was all disorganized.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
