I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
