I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
