shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
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Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
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the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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