I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
