you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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