Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
