There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
