I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Floor bacon is actually really good
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
