I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
