the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
