you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
