first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
