Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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