i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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