I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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