I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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