Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I smell like Dick and happiness
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
