I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
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