when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
