oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
