$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
