I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
