You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
vagina is talking i cant
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
