Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
