I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
