hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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