last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Found the puke drawer
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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