I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
