it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
