Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
