Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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