your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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