6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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