yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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