That's when you crack a 10am beer
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
