you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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