We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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