You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
