you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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