Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
