Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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