they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
