I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
