We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
