Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
