He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize