just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize