It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
